just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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