i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
