I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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