before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
