He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
