we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
