Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
