i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize