Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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