If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
