your thong is hanging out like whoa
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
