In the future we'll all be gay
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
