Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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