Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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