So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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