Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
