a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
