My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
