My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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