Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
