Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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