she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
