I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
