Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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