He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
