Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
