so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
