If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
