I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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