Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
