Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
