If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
