If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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