vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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