Jerry, you need to find god
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
