Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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