So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
