Please, let me fuck your mom
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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