Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
