oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
