I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
