I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
