There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
