Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
