I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
