did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
