my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
sex in a hospital.. check
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
