The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
