you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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