my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize