It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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