hotel room ftw
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
